This story was inspired by a new word I learned on TikTok 'snollygoster'. A snollygoster is a cunning person with no principles or morals. The snollygoster in this story lives on the edge of a village. He only goes out at night as that's the best possible time to cause trouble without getting caught.
Snollygoster didn't have any friends. He liked to play tricks on people and this particular night he'd had so much fun causing trouble in the village.
But who is Snollygoster and what did he do? Well, get comfy and I'll tell you the story.
Little-Villageton was a little village on the edge of Large-Townton, a large town next to Middle-Riverton, which I'm sure you've guessed, is a middle-sized town right next to the river.
Little-Villageton was a quiet little village, with exactly one hundred and ninety-nine people living there, not a single person more, not a single person less. One hundred and ninety-nine was the perfect amount of people to live in Little-Villageton as it was, in fact, little. There were five great-grandmas, four great-grandads, twenty grandmas, eighteen granddads, forty mums, thirty-five dads, fourteen young people, thirteen teenagers, twenty-six children and nine babies.
“But that doesn’t add up to one hundred and ninety-nine people” I hear you say.
Oh yes you're right, there are another fifteen people that no one knows because, believe it or not, they kept themselves to themselves. And that is extremely rare in a village where everybody knows everybody, where they live, what they do, what their children are called, and what car they drive.
Finley and Hayden were cousins. They lived in the village in different houses. Finley lived with his dad, his mum, his sister, their dog Mavis and tortoise Bingo. Hayden lived with his grandma and his mum.
One morning Finley woke up and looked out of his window. It was going to be a great day to go out and play football. He looked down dreamingly at his football pitch. His football net was gone. In its place were hundreds of flowers where the grass once was. His football pitch had been dug up and flowers stood in its place.
“Dad, Dad” shouted Finley at the top of his lungs. "Come quickly!"
At that moment, the doorbell rang and someone started hammering on the door, shouting angrily. The dog started barking. Alarm clocks were going off. It was chaos.
Finley’s dad stomped down the stairs, rubbing his eyes. It was still 6 am and not the time he really wanted to be getting up on his day off. As he opened the door, his neighbour started shouting. “What have you done with my flowers you thieving ……” but Finley’s dad had shut the door in his face and the rest of the accusation couldn’t be heard.
Annoyed, he went into the kitchen to make himself a coffee. Looking out of the window, he saw the enormous amount of flowers that had appeared in his garden overnight and his neighbour’s flowers all missing. His eyes poked out of his head in disbelief as he walked back to his disgruntled neighbour who hadn’t moved a muscle since the door was slammed in his shouty face.
“Look mate, this is nothing to do with me” reassured Finley’s dad. “I don’t want your flowers all over my lawn.”
“And where’s my net gone?” piped in Finley who had come downstairs to join the early morning drama.
They were still puzzled as they carried out the painstaking transfer of all the flowers from one garden back to the other, leaving Finley’s football pitch an utter mess. How on earth did that happen overnight?
Finley went over to Hayden’s to tell him what happened.
“Someone dug up your garden and put flowers in it and now you can’t play football?” Hayden repeated in disbelief. “We have to find out who and catch them”.
“We can go out now, look for clues and set traps for them. Then go out after dark and catch them redhanded” said Finley, still fuming.
They set off into the village to look for anything suspicious. Checking gardens for anything else unusual, looking out for anyone they hadn’t seen before and trying to find something that might show where the thief had gone.
“Quick, down the lane, this is the perfect place to hide something and it’s a good escape route too”.
The boys walked down the lane, it had been raining and was muddy. There were huge footprints in the mud.
“Look at that!” said Hayden. “It’s a clue, someone has been down here with big feet and there are no other footprints around, not even a dog, that’s got to be suspicious”.
Then they saw a man at the bus stop that they didn't know.
“Perhaps that’s him, he looks like he could carry a football net”. The two boys walked up to the bus stop and stood next to the man, checking out his boots and hands for signs of mud.
“Hello boys” he said friendily as the boys were eyeing him up assessing him for clues. The man was clean and tidy on his way to work though, so it couldn’t have been him. They smiled half-heartedly and carried on walking around the village looking for more clues. There was nothing.
“We have to catch this intruder,” said Finley after dinner. “He can’t get away with taking my nets”.
As it went dark, they snook out of the house with their torches to watch for the thief. An owl flew by, cars drove past them and a woman walked past with her dog. There was nothing suspicious about any of this. They carried on walking past the cafe, which was closed, and then past the bakers but they didn't see anybody else. It was getting late and they were cold, so they went home to hatch a plan.
Snollygoster was just waking up for the day, or should I say night. You see, Snollygoster slept during the day and woke up at night. That's just the way he liked it. No one about to get in his way. Oh yes, he was very much a night owl. Snollygoster wasn't actually an owl, but he could make a sound like an owl, to distract any unsuspecting humans from discovering him when he was out and about in the village.
He lived on the edge of Little-Villageton, up a steep hill, in a little rundown shack at the edge of a large forest. No one ever went there. The pathway up the hill was steep and full of holes. So no one in the village knew that anyone lived there.
Snollygoster wore big brown boots which were perfect for stomping over fields and walking up the big steep hill. They were perfect for stamping on anyone that got in his way. He wore brown trousers, a brown jacket and a blue jumper. Everything he wore had torn so many times they had different colour patches all over them. The patches were made from all the clothing he stole off washing lines in the village, sewn up with thick blue stitches, not very neatly at all.
Snollygoster had a round face, a round belly, tiny beady eyes and a toothless smile. When he went out, he put a fake tooth in his mouth to hide his missing tooth and make him look less suspicious. After all, he didn’t want anyone to suspect him or even notice him for that matter.
You may be wondering what a snollygoster is? Well, a snollygoster is a shrewd unprincipled person who didn't have any values or morals. Snollygosters are known for being tricksters, liars, thieves and bullies. They are sharp and somewhat intelligent but never use their intelligence for good, only for their own gain.
Snollygoster looked at his new football net in delight, this was what he’d always wanted. He didn’t have any friends to play with but he had a net now. What a prank! He should have done this long ago. What fun he’ll have. All he needs now is a football.
“Hahahahaha” he laughed out loud, his booming voice shaking the curtains in his little wooden hut. “I’ll go out tonight and get it.” That family will blame the neighbour who blamed them for stealing the flowers. When everyone blames each other, they won’t be thinking about anyone else and I can go back and get a ball too.
“Hahahahaha” he laughed again, elated with his own genius.
That night, Snollygoster went back down into the village, dodging the cars and anyone who was still out and about. He found the house and there were no bright lights on. Perfect.
Sneaking through the back gate, he walked around the edge of the garden and saw the ball. "Great he thought to himself as he tiptoed across the patio, trying not to make a noise, 'this is going to be easier than I thought".
And then, he tripped, fell over a broom into the plant pots and over the garden table.
What was that? A trap?
The boys heard the noise and ran outside, switching their torches on to search the garden.
“Quick, catch him,” they both said running out of the house. But Snollygoster had a head start. The boys saw the Snollygoster running off with the ball laughing and screeching loudly.
“Snollygoster Strikes Again! Snollygoster Strikes Again.” The insane noise echoed through the village.
“Did you hear that?” said Finley.
“It sounded like, Snollygoster Strikes Again. What on earth does that mean?" said Hayden as he bent down to pick up what looked like an old rag.
"Look at this! It's a patch, an old dirty patch, looks like someone's old shirt".
Their nana was downstairs babysitting. She also heard the echoed screeching and came out to see what the commotion was all about. The words ran cold through her body as she remembered a story that her mother told her about the time a Snollygoster first came to the village.
Was he back? Did they now have two hundred people living in the village? She really hoped not. Maybe it was time to tell the story again, she must warn the villagers.
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